Hey there, I'm Johnny Ming and welcome to TGR.

The first-land program allowed noobs to buy 512m of land for below market price.� Unfortunately, the program catered to sleazy land barons out to flip the land for profit.� Linden Labs has responded by discontinuing the program.� Some fear that this will accelerate the number of homeless noobs.

However, analysts predict this will have no effect at all, since the only thing you can really build on 512m of land is...an outhouse.

This Saturday at Club Egret - guests were delighted with the music of celebrated jazz guitarist George Golla and the sultry sounds of acclaimed Australian singer Leonie Smith.� The formal event was a smashing success for jazz lovers and cool cats alike!


Second Life has recently implemented a mandatory orientation for noobs.For those of you seeking spiritual solitude off the grid...on the grid-� come join us at the newly opened monastery of Felix Meritis, masterfully created by Man Monett. �

(Noob screams)

Here you can stop by the Italian Renaissance chapel for a virtual chat with god.

NOOB:
I feel as though there�s an unseen hand, like, controlling my every move.


SKYLA:
Dear virtual god - I�ve always wanted to know...(phone rings) would you excuse me please...I have to take that...

TRENT:
Stop me if you heard this one, Lord.� A priest, a rabbi and a sheep walk into a bar...

Or, for you homeless noobs with no equity - you can rent a one room cell for $200L a week where you can contemplate the true meaning of virtual earthly goods.

(Chanting)
Agnis deus amat.� Agnis deus amat.

It's finally happened folks, Microsoft has dumped Vista, it’s new version of Windows into the marketplace. Purchasing a new machine with Vista preloaded is tantamount to Second Life suicide.

Not only does it not support Second Life - but reports indicate that graphically intensive applications like hearts, notepad and solitaire tend to crash regularly under Vista. This has forced jonesing Windows office-slackers to the degrading act of using actual playing cards.

We'll continue following the issues surrounding vista in the coming days...weeks, perhaps months, or years, possibly decades, or eons...

To help explain why the stock market will finally open after a grueling ten day freeze I’d like to introduce our Second Life choir singing THE BATTLE HYMN OF LUKECONNELL VENDERVERRE.

He was a high school drop-out and his name was Vanderverre.
He started the world stock exchange but it was a nightmare.
Cause the WSE account couldn’t cover the cost of shares.
Virtual finance is a bear!

But soon he ran out of money and had to get down on his knees.
Offering stock tickers and bank machines to try and appease.
Then he joined with the first exchange but everyone still agrees.
Virtual finance is a bear!

We’re here at the Anna Nicole Smith Memorial Garden in Dotoorak where we’d like to take a moment of silence to honor Anna Nicole’s memory.

Come on guys, I’m being serious. No, really, this isn’t funny. You guys are jerks. Anyway, that’s our show - we’ll see you next week on The Grid Review.

Goodbye Anna Nicole - though I never knew you at all...